thanksgiving
Sometimes the best Thanksgiving is the non-Thanksgiving.
I grew up with most of my extended family living nearby. Then, my parents divorced and eventually remarried, and suddenly my extended family was much larger. Instead of just swapping holidays like so many other families, my parents decided that my sister and I would go to All The Places for holidays.
A typical Thanksgiving for me in my teens was to attend several Thanksgiving meals in one day — a marathon food orgy from noon to 8 pm. It was fun but also stressful, as there was always the guilt of not staying very long in one place and having to leave one set of relatives in order to see another group.
When I got married in my 20s, my husband and I decided that we would rotate holidays between our families — Thanksgiving with mine and Christmas with his, then the reverse the next year. This still meant that we spent one major holiday each year with my extended clan and for some reason, it’s Thanksgiving that sticks in my mind as the ultimate distillation of family stress and dysfunction.
One year before we had children, we decided that we would simply go on vacation for Thanksgiving week and escape the obligations altogether. Picture this scenario: Thanksgiving day in Taos, New Mexico. It snowed heavily and we spent the day skiing. Afterward, we went to our hotel for hot showers and pizza delivered to our room, which we ate while watching reruns on TV. Pure bliss.
The next year, we had a newborn, and Thanksgiving went back to its usual self — by this time we were down to two back-to-back meals with family — and it was another 15 years before we escaped for Thanksgiving vacation.
The next time we spent Thanksgiving on vacation, we were on a cruise with our two teenage daughters and two of their friends (sisters) who traveled with us. We had spent the day on the beach in the Bahamas, then cleaned up and had a simple dinner in the ship’s dining room. Bliss.
And then the next year, the four of us spent Thanksgiving on a safari in South Africa. No turkey, no Macy’s Thanksgiving parade, no family expectations. Absolute bliss.
I love my family and Thanksgiving has become much simpler in the past decade, with us day-tripping to my parents’ house for a traditional lunch, then coming home in time for a smaller, simpler dinner (usually Tex-Mex) that evening. I now enjoy this day and the opportunity to see my favorite relatives.
But of course, things have changed during this neverending pandemic. Since Thanksgiving 2020, it has just been the four of us at home. We miss the old plans but have come to enjoy the simplicity of our new way of celebrating.
We watch the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade, followed by the National Dog Show. We’ve planned our own version of the traditional dinner — no turkey since none of us really like it — and we’ll be grateful for our home, the food in our kitchen, and (fingers crossed) our continued good health and safety.
What are your plans for Thanksgiving this year?
Ah, Thanksgiving. What is it about this holiday that so often brings out the worst in family members. We’ve had years of friend’sgivings before the pandemic. I loved those years of having a bunch of friends each contributing their labor and energy/ strengths to a shared meal. Genuine gratitude and laughter, good food and usually a walk. Dishes together - at some point- but also games. Fun.