fremdschämen: to feel ashamed about something someone else has done; to be embarrassed because someone else has embarrassed themself (and doesn’t notice)
We were in Chobe National Park when I started wondering if I could get away with murder. I was pretty sure the jury would find in my favor.
My slow build to homicidal intent had begun about a week earlier. We were on safari and traveling with a diverse group of people from around the world, most of whom were delightful and easy to get along with.
And then there was Mr. Obnoxious.
Mr. Obnoxious knew everything. He truly believed this. I actually listened in disbelief as he mansplained another person’s highly specialized job to them — a job that Mr. Obnoxious himself had no professional experience in.
And because he had traveled to around 100 countries, he was pretty sure he knew better than anyone about everything related to our trip and all forms of travel. He repeatedly questioned and corrected our safari guides and our daily local guides, which included interrupting them constantly.
Mr. Obnoxious was traveling with his wife and another couple, all of whom believed Mr. Obnoxious to be an absolutely brilliant and witty man. He was their great leader and they adored him.
And, as a group, the four of them were challenging to be with, especially since they complained incessantly.
The truck was too hot.
The sun was too bright.
The wind was too windy.
The hotels were crummy. (They were not.)
The meals were not good enough. (I call particular bullshit on this last one; the food was excellent.)
In short, they believed they were not getting good value for their money. And the rest of us found them to be appalling travelers and representatives of their home country.
After about two days with the Obnoxious group, the Germans traveling with us quietly taught us the excellent word fremdschämen. As with schadenfreude, this is one of those highly descriptive and specific German words that really encapsulated our specific mood at that point in the safari.
Another thing about Mr. Obnoxious and his friends that caused friction was that they insisted on recording all aspects of this safari in every possible way. No moment was left uncaptured. And it was this particular habit that made me want to kill Mr. Obnoxious.
As I mentioned before, we were in Chobe. It is an incredible national park that is particularly known for its elephant population. Our group was scheduled to be in Chobe for only one afternoon, which was not nearly enough time, but we were determined to make the most of it.
When we set off for our excursion, our group was split between two open safari vehicles. My husband and I and another couple were in the same truck with Mr. Obnoxious and his group. We were barely in the park when we encountered impalas, which are lovely animals but by that point in the trip, we had seen hundreds. Nevertheless, Mr. Obnoxious yelled for the driver to stop so that photos could be taken.
First Mr. Obnoxious took photos with his fancy camera.
Then he took photos with his iPhone.
And then he took video, narrating his thoughts the whole time.
Meanwhile, Mrs. Obnoxious was taking photos with both her iPhone and her iPad.
This went on for several minutes. Then Mr. Obnoxious imperiously told the driver he was ready to move on.
A few hundred feet down the road, more impalas. Another stop. More photos and video.
And again another short distance down the road.
Meanwhile, the four of us in the back of the truck were becoming increasingly irritated. Time was slipping away and we were nowhere near the elephants. Quiet muttering led to louder comments led to direct confrontation. The Obnoxious party acquiesced to our demands to stop looking at impalas and to move on to the elephants, but they were unhappy about it.
And when we finally did see our first herd of elephants, Mr. Obnoxious gave us only a couple of minutes to look before imperiously telling the driver that we were done and that it was time to move on to look for more elephants.
I very sweetly smiled at the man I was thinking of murdering and suggested that he could hop out of the truck and walk on down the road by himself. He thought I was serious and took a moment to mansplain about Chobe’s resident lion population and the dangers related to my suggestion.
Come on, you know a jury would not convict me. I would be doing the world a public service.
The next day we reached Victoria Falls and the end of our time together. Even though we were all in the same hotel and had planned a final dinner and breakfast together, the Obnoxious group went off on their own and we never saw them again, much to our collective relief.
And I didn’t end up in jail. Bonus points for learning an excellent new word.
Oh, the incomparible accuracy of German words in certain circumstances. I'm happy you didn't need my "get out of jail free card", I've been saving it for just such an occassion. I'm enjoying my visions of a lioness and hyena finishing him off.